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Recently, a fellow ostomate told me they didn't like my "easy peasy" attitude about living with an ostomy.
I appreciated their honesty because it made me realize how my perspective could sound to someone who's still in the middle of the hardest part of the journey.
The truth is, I don't think having an ostomy is easy at all. I think it's a manageable inconvenience. But that perspective didn't happen overnight. It came after years of learning, adapting, making mistakes, and realizing that this new way of life didn't have to define me.
Five years ago, I wasn't saying any of this.
Time Changes Perspective
Back then, everything felt unfamiliar. Every outing required planning. Every leak felt like a crisis. Every strange sensation made me wonder if something was wrong. Living with an ostomy took up an enormous amount of mental space because I was still trying to figure out how to live with it.
My perspective today is very different because my experience today is very different.
The same thing happened during my cancer journey. It was a grueling two-year process filled with pain, fatigue, surgeries, chemotherapy, fear, and uncertainty. There were days when I wondered if life would ever feel normal again—or even if I was going to make it. At the time, it was impossible to imagine that things would eventually get better. I wasn't thinking about thriving. I was simply trying to survive one day at a time.
But little by little, things changed.
The pain became less intense. The fatigue started to lift. The fear slowly loosened its grip. None of it happened overnight, but as the months passed, more and more of my life started returning.
We Don't All Live the Same Ostomy
That experience taught me something important.
It's very easy to assume we understand someone else's experience because we know our own so well. I catch myself doing it too. Sometimes I forget that people aren't reacting to the ostomy I have today—they're reacting to the ostomy they have right now.
Maybe they're only three months out from surgery. Maybe they're dealing with frequent leaks or painful skin irritation. Maybe they're grieving the life they thought they were going to have. Maybe they're exhausted from trying to figure everything out. That's a completely different experience from someone who's had years to adapt.
At the same time, I think it's important not to lose sight of something equally true.
The way you feel today is not necessarily the way you'll feel forever.
Life Can Get Bigger Again
Many of us have gone through seasons where our ostomy dominated our thoughts, emotions, and daily routines. Then, almost without noticing it, we learned. We adjusted. We found products that worked for us. We built confidence. We stopped thinking about our ostomy every waking minute.
The challenges didn't disappear, but they gradually stopped being the center of our lives.
Life got bigger again.
That doesn't mean everyone follows the same timeline. Some people adapt quickly. Others take much longer. Some continue to face medical complications that make the journey harder. Every path is different. But I've learned that adaptation is possible, even when it feels impossible in the beginning.
Both Experiences Are Valid
So if you're struggling today, I respect that. Your experience is real. And if you've reached a place where your ostomy has become just another part of your daily routine, I respect that too. Your experience is real as well.
These aren't competing realities.
They're simply different chapters of the same story.
One person's hope doesn't invalidate another person's pain, and one person's pain doesn't erase another person's progress. Both experiences deserve compassion. Both experiences deserve respect. Both experiences are valid.
