Ostomy Confidence: One Woman’s Story

When Jane Durst Pulkys, PdD was diagnosed with colorectal cancer, she never expected her treatment would eventually leave her with a permanent colostomy.

Jane is a nutritionist and health coach who had spent much of her life focused on health and fitness. She exercised, practiced hot yoga, swam, and built a career around helping others improve their health. Cancer wasn’t something she expected.

But after radiation, chemotherapy, and ultimately surgery, Jane woke up with a permanent stoma.

Her response was simple:

“You know what? We have to become friends with this.”

In our conversation, Jane shares how she adjusted to life with a colostomy, what she learned about food and hydration, the challenges of intimacy and body image, and why she eventually created a platform to help other ostomates regain their confidence.

Her story isn’t about pretending an ostomy is always easy. It’s about learning how to live with one without allowing it to define who you are.

A Cancer Diagnosis She Never Expected

Before her diagnosis, Jane considered herself extremely health-conscious. She worked in nutrition and weight loss, exercised regularly, and paid close attention to what she ate. She had never experienced significant bowel problems.

When she began noticing blood in her stool, she initially thought something in her diet might be responsible. After a trip to Bali where the bleeding became worse, she returned home and underwent her first colonoscopy.

She was diagnosed with colorectal cancer.

The blood had essentially been her only warning sign.

Her treatment included radiation and chemotherapy. Jane admits she was initially reluctant to undergo treatment, but looking back, she’s grateful she did.

She also made a deliberate effort to continue living her life. She worked on her PhD, continued working with clients when possible, practiced hot yoga, and swam when she was physically able.

“Honestly, one of the best things to do was just to choose to be positive about it.”

But the radiation and chemotherapy didn’t eliminate the cancer.

Surgery was next.

Waking Up With a Permanent Colostomy

Jane’s surgeon hoped he might be able to preserve her colon and give her only a temporary stoma.

That wasn’t what happened.

When Jane woke after surgery and saw her stoma on her left side, she understood the colostomy was permanent.

Her first instinct was acceptance:

“We have to become friends with this.”

That didn’t mean she immediately knew how to live with it.

For approximately two months, Jane describes herself as fumbling through the process—learning to manage the appliance, discovering what she could and couldn’t eat, and trying to understand a body that suddenly worked differently.

One of her biggest frustrations was the lack of support. She struggled to find people she could talk with who were going through the same experience.

Eventually, that frustration gave her an idea.

Learning to Live With Her Stoma

Over time, Jane discovered that living with a colostomy was manageable.

That doesn’t mean there haven’t been accidents or frustrating moments. There have.

But those experiences taught her that an accident doesn’t have to become a reason to stop living.

Jane met other ostomates who were afraid to leave home, wear certain clothes, or put themselves in situations where they might have an accident. She understood that fear because she’d experienced accidents herself.

The challenge was rebuilding confidence afterward.

For Jane, confidence meant gradually realizing that the person she had always been was still there.

The stoma changed how part of her body functioned.

It didn’t change who she was.

Why Jane Created Colostomy Queen

Because Jane struggled to find the support she wanted after surgery, she created a platform called Colostomy Queen.

Her goal was to have conversations people sometimes avoid—not only the practical challenges of living with a colostomy, but also confidence, clothing, accidents, body image, and sexual intimacy.

She had met people who were allowing fear to make their world smaller. They didn’t want to wear white pants. They worried about accidents. Some didn’t want to leave home.

Jane wanted people to see another possibility.

You can experience an embarrassing moment and recover from it.

You can learn your body.

You can rebuild confidence.

Nutrition and Hydration With a Colostomy

As someone with a professional background in nutrition, food became an especially interesting challenge for Jane.

Her first piece of advice is straightforward:

Pay attention to hydration.

“Hydration is absolutely critical.”

Jane finds that when she isn’t properly hydrated, elimination becomes more difficult.

Food required more experimentation. Foods that have worked well for her include bananas, avocado, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, eggs, soups, and stews.

She emphasizes that these are her personal experiences, not universal rules. Food skins can cause problems for her, and she has discovered other foods that simply don’t work for her.

That’s why learning to eat with an ostomy is an ongoing process.

Pay attention to your body. Experiment carefully and continue finding ways to get good nutrition within the boundaries of what works for you.

Clothing, Body Image and Everyday Confidence

One of Jane’s early concerns was whether she’d still be able to wear normal-fitting clothes.

Eventually, she discovered she could continue wearing many of the clothes she liked, particularly when the material had some stretch.

These everyday questions matter:

Can I dress the way I want?

Can I exercise?

Can I swim?

Can I go out without constantly thinking about my pouch?

Can I still feel attractive?

Jane still experiences anxiety around cancer follow-up scans. Living confidently doesn’t necessarily mean fear completely disappears.

Sometimes it means continuing to live while the fear is there.

Intimacy and Self-Love After Ostomy Surgery

Jane also speaks openly about sexual intimacy after cancer treatment and ostomy surgery.

Radiation caused physical changes and scar tissue that affected her recovery. Her husband was initially afraid he might hurt her.

It took time, but eventually intimacy became comfortable again.

When asked what she would tell a younger woman struggling with sexual identity or confidence after ostomy surgery, Jane starts with self-worth:

“Really work on your self-love and self-respect.”

If you see yourself as unattractive or believe the ostomy has diminished who you are, that can affect how you approach intimacy and relationships.

Jane doesn’t minimize having a stoma. It’s a major change.

But she makes an important distinction:

“You’re still the same person.”

The ostomy is something you have.

It isn’t your identity.

Jane’s Advice for Someone Facing Cancer

When asked what she would say to someone newly diagnosed with colorectal cancer, Jane recommends starting with people.

Talk to your friends. Don’t isolate yourself.

She also recommends journaling and, if you need additional support, working with a therapist.

Most importantly:

“Take it one step at a time.”

Jane also recommends going into medical appointments with written questions. When you’re frightened and receiving an enormous amount of information, it’s easy to forget what you wanted to ask.

She found another coping mechanism as well: laughter.

Cancer is heavy. Finding something that lets you laugh for a few minutes doesn’t mean you’re ignoring reality. Sometimes it simply gives you a little relief from carrying it.

What New Ostomates Need to Know

For someone who has just received an ostomy, Jane strongly recommends getting help from an ostomy nurse.

The appliances you leave the hospital with may not necessarily be the ones that work best for your body. Jane initially struggled with the products she’d been given and didn’t realize there were places where someone could help her explore different options.

Finding that assistance was a turning point.

“That for me was a game changer.”

Her other advice is patience.

You probably won’t become an expert at changing your appliance immediately. You may have leaks. You may make mistakes. You may have an accident at exactly the wrong time.

The beginning can be frustrating.

But Jane wants new ostomates to know something important:

It gets better.

She also recommends carrying backup supplies whenever you’re away from home. Preparation won’t prevent every problem, but it can turn an accident from a crisis into something you simply handle.

How Cancer and an Ostomy Changed Her

Toward the end of our conversation, I asked Jane how the entire experience had changed her.

Her answer surprised me:

“It’s made me a better person.”

Jane says she had empathy before cancer, but now she feels it differently.

We can walk past someone who looks completely fine without having any idea what that person is carrying.

As Jane puts it:

“Everybody has a story.”

Her experience has made her more likely to help someone, offer support, or simply recognize that another person’s struggle may not be visible.

Cancer changed Jane.

Her colostomy changed Jane.

But neither one ended her life.

She exercises. She travels. She works. She maintains relationships. She helps other people. She talks publicly about subjects many people are afraid to discuss.

And perhaps that’s the real meaning of ostomy confidence.

It isn’t pretending the difficult parts aren’t difficult.

It’s recognizing that after everything your body has been through, you are still you—and there is still a life to be lived.

This article reflects Jane Durst Pulkys’ personal experiences and the topics discussed in our interview. Individual experiences with cancer, nutrition, ostomy care, and recovery vary. Consult an appropriate healthcare professional for individualized medical, dietary, or ostomy-care guidance.